A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
