You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
