ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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