Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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