How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
