Your face is a jimmy john
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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