I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
