go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
