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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
