Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
