Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
