Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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