new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
