chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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