I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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