I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
