Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently you make a good broom.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
