I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You're like the curious george of whores
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
