Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A+ Viking dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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