This is not my ceiling
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
