I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize