my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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