I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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