All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
we should paint friendship bongs
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