is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
