'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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