Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
