Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
