I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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