i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize