somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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