i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize