wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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