Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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