it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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