Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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