PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
