Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
worst night to have a conscience
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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