He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
