I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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