My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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