Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
