"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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