Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How does one acquire holy water?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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