I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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