she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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