Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
