I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
