I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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