I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
