I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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