She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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