just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
