You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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