Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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