can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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