He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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