you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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