Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
