The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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