he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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