Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its not stalking. its research.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
