I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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