i can't believe i had my finger in that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
