I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
